At opening convocation on Wednesday, Aug. 27, students, faculty and staff welcomed the Class of 2012, new members of the faculty and two Fulbright scholars to Sweet Briar College. Eighteen returning students also were recognized for scholastic achievements.

After an invocation by Chaplain Adam White and the introduction of new faculty by College President Elisabeth Muhlenfeld, Jonathan Green, dean of the College, took the podium. In his remarks (see full text), he encouraged students to embrace responsibility and “do right.”

“A commendable nineteenth-century handbook from another liberal arts college, which will remain unnamed as the following critical statement has been sadly dropped from their materials, had sixteen rules governing its students and faculty,” he said.

“The first fifteen were dry, legalistic regulations but the final rule was this: ‘Above all else, do right.’ Even the tone suggests that this one rule supersedes all the others.”

Associate professor of psychology Tim Loboschefski gave the keynote address (see full text). He was given the honor at commencement in May when he was named the 2008 recipient of the Connie Burwell White Excellence in Teaching Award.

In his talk, Loboschefski used the “paradox of Schrödinger’s cat” to illustrate the consequences of actions, inactions or choices. “The paradox involves a simple, if unusual setup,” he said. “Imagine a kitten placed in pizza box, along with a decaying capsule containing a poisonous radioactive isotope. When the capsule decays, the kitten dies.”

“Awww,” the entire assembly said in unison.

“Inside the box, the kitten waits,” he continued. “Now purists will notice that I’ve taken a few liberties. First, I’m using a kitten rather than a cat — because let’s face it, I’ve only got five to seven minutes and a kitten in danger is one of the most powerful motivating forces on the planet.”

As for the pizza box, Loboschefski said he felt like the poor kitty ought to have “something to nosh on during his plight.” Then he warned the laughing audience — some of which were already wiping tears from their eyes — that a pizza containing a kitten or radioactive material should be sent back with the deliveryman.

“On topic, though, our concern is, since we can’t see inside the box, is the kitten still alive?” he said. “There is potential that he is okay, but remember that we exist in a reality that has a powerful need to assert itself. I promise we’ll get back to the kitten in a bit, but for now, we’ll leave him in the box.”

Loboschefski digressed for a moment, talking about “Millennials” — people born between 1980 and 2000, including most of the student body — and the group’s “dual membership” in both the adolescent and adult camps. At Sweet Briar, he said, students are fond of calling themselves “girls,” and have admitted to being in the problematic position of “not quite a girl, but … not yet a woman.”

“In their zeal not to let go of the earlier status — because as we all know adults are not allowed to have any fun — they exist in a state of extended uncertainty and dependency,” he said.

Which brought Loboschefski back to the kitten in the pizza box. He asked students to apply their Millennial “in between” thinking to the kitten’s conundrum. “Well, he’s not quite alive, but he’s not yet dead,” he said, prompting laughter from the audience. “What does that sound like? Zombie kitten. And that doesn’t sound good at all.

“Indeed, Schrödinger himself argued that the duel-existence possibility only illustrates the weaknesses in the paradox. And indeed, a dead kitten who thinks it is alive — again, the zombie kitten — will be responded to appropriately, that is, with fear and weaponry.”

With that reality in mind, Loboschefski encouraged students to act responsibly, regardless of how they choose to identify themselves. Sloppy Facebook postings and procrastination might be viewed differently by the “greater world,” he said.

“Hoping, wishing, praying for things to be different, while comforting, doesn’t change what has been set in motion. While there are times that the unexpected occurs, reality is fairly predictable. Reality is it’s that simple and that complex. So sadly, when we look inside the box, reality is the kitten has died. However, the pizza now lives.”

After Loboschefski sat down, amid thundering applause, academic prizes were awarded to the following students:

The Emilie Watts McVea Scholars: Emma Terese Meador ’09, Courtney Michele Cunningham ’10 and Laura Nicole Jett ’11

The Alumna Daughter Scholarship: Caroline Elizabeth Chappell ’09

The Mary Kendrick Benedict Scholar: Julia Kathleen McClung ’09

The Jean Besselievre Boley Award: Julia Katherine Patt ’09

The Laura Buckham Book Award: Taylor Kathleen Ryan ’10

The Julia Sadler de Coligny Award: Elizabeth Williams Zuckerman ’09

The Gill Scholars: Caroline Elizabeth Chappell ’09 and Heather Marie Riggleman ’09

The Hapala Scholar: Victoria Irina Placona ’10

The Rebecca Tomlinson Lindblom Award: Alison Nicole Sims ’09

The Kenmore Scholars: Caroline Anne Sapp ’09 and Kathryn Nicole Lydin ’09

The Manson Scholar: Kathryn Nicole Lydin ’09

The Jean Taylor Meyer Memorial Poets Prize: Katherine Elizabeth Beach ’09

The Irene Mitchell Moore Scholar: Megan Elizabeth Behrle ’09

The Loren Oliver Award: Reda Annis Masincup ’09

The Rickards Scholar: Kathryn Jeanne Alexander ’11

The Shakespeare Prize: Julia Katherine Patt ’09

The Sweet Briar Fine Arts Scholar: Elizabeth Williams Zuckerman ’09

The Mary Mackintosh Sherer Award: Tania Oriana Venus Salas Platt ’11

— By Suzanne Ramsey, SBC staff writer